Four Years Ago Today...

4 years ago today ( December 20th) my world came crashing down.

9 days earlier I walked out of my OB office with a little slip of paper that said BOY!  It was such a special moment to unfold it and have all 5 of us find out the gender of the little blessing God was giving us.  Michael and Joe were ecstatic!  Michael would get a brother and Joe wouldn't have 3 weddings to pay for =)  Life was "good".

The doctor had said everything looked wonderful, but due to the way the baby was positioned, I would have to come back in a week or so to get the rest of the measurements.  It was to be a quick 5 minute appointment and nothing more.

Looking back 4 years it is amazing to see how God's hand was involved.  First he protected me from finding out with my 3 babies waiting just outside.  They were spared seeing me sob like I had never sobbed before.  We were able to experience the joy of finding out the gender together instead of having them witness the heartbreak.  Four years ago today I heard the words "your child''s heart did not form properly and he will require multiple surgeries to survive".   I left that office crushed and alone.  I could hardly get words out to Joe on the phone.  Poor thing.  He quickly called a babysitter and drove the 35 minutes to sit with me in a parking lot.  I couldn't move.  I couldn't drive.  I couldn't talk.  I just cried.

He also spared me from not finding out at all.  When I showed up 9 days later and they told me how much I would have to pay I almost left.  I figured it was their fault they didn't get all of the images they needed, and since everything was "perfect" as they said, why should I have to pay another $500?  They agreed to give me a huge discount and I went in.   I learned that day that you just pay...no amount of money would be worth not knowing!

God also guided that technician to find Stephen's condition.  Not all babies and Mamas are so lucky.  Many congenital heart defects can and do go undetected and the results can be very harmful to the child.  As devastating as the news was...I am so grateful we learned of it then.

Four years ago today, as Joe and I sat in a parking lot in tears, we named our son Stephen Joseph.  We didn't want to wait...we wanted to be able to pray for him by name right away.  We had been set on Stephen for along time.  He would be named after one of our dear friends and mentor (Mark Stephen Henderson).  He had such a huge impact on the man my husband was (and is today) and he and his wife greatly blessed and poured into our relationship and marriage.  The middle name, however, had been up in the air.  But I new at that moment that I wanted this little guy to have his Daddy's name.  So amongst tears and heartache we named our unborn son Stephen Joseph in the parking lot of Vista Way OBGYN.

I cried more that day than I even knew was possible.  I cried until I had no tears...and then I cried even more.  But four years ago today Joe and I made a promise.  We promised that we would choose hope.  That we would remain faithful to God despite the unknown and possible outcomes.  That even though we didn't understand "why" we would trust in Him and His promises.  That if our son was going to suffer that we wouldn't let it be in vain.  That we wouldn't do anything to get in the way of God doing good.  Four years ago today I told God that he had better show up (my words exactly).  That he promised "all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord" and that His word had better be true...that if I remained in Him that good would somehow come from this.  It wasn't in pride that I said this...but in brokenness.  I came to Him a broken, crushed mother.   I wanted to know that His promises were true.  That if my son had to suffer that good would come.

Looking back four years I am amazed.  I am amazed at how God has not only guided and protected us from the very beginning, but how He has remained so faithful and true to His word.  I am amazed at how much beauty and goodness has come from Stephen's life.  It truly moves me to tears.  I can only imagine how gentle and forgiving he was of me that night.  I almost picture Him cupping my face and assuring me "yes my child...I will show up in greater ways than you can ever imagine".  He heard my cries and desperate plea and He has done greater things in these past four years than I could ever have hoped for or imagined.

God has taken the deepest pain I have ever felt and turned into into something beautiful....for that I am in awe.

So as I sit here and reflect upon that day four years ago,  I do so with sadness and gratitude.  The memories will always be painful, but I am thankful to be able to look back and see God's hand at work.  To see how he loved and cared for us in ways we didn't even know we needed, and to see how much joy and goodness He has brought the world through our precious Stephen Joseph!

May God continue to strengthen and protect Stephen's heart and use his life to make a lasting imprint for His kingdom!

Update

Since Stephen's last ECHO in the beginning of November I have been a little pre-occupied to write but wanted to give an update to those who don't have Facebook.

As you may recall we did not get the news we were expecting back in July (see post here Not the News I Wanted to Hear) 

Stephen's heart function had decreased, as well as his O2 Sats, and I was stunned to say the least.  The plan went form yearly ECHOS to an ECHO ever 3 months.  Well the plan has changed again!  This last ECHO showed no more decrease...if anything the cardiologist actually thinks this ECHO looked better!  And his O2 sats were right back where they are supposed to be!  PRAISE GOD!!!

When I asked where we are at now his doctor said (and I quote) "I feel a lot better about things now" Well good...me too!!!

He said we are still in a holding plan for now.  Stephen has stopped gaining weight (we now have to go back to whole milk) and therefore still isn't the ideal size/weight for the next surgery.  He also agrees that there is no rush and that we will continue to weigh the pros/cons of the surgery's timing at each appointment.  When the benefits of it outweigh the risks is when we will move forward.

His next ECHO is now not for 6 more months...though after we walked out Joe and I both wish we had asked to have another one in 3 months just to make sure.  But for now we will continue to trust in the Lord and praise God for the good news!

As for a non heart update...Stephen is AWESOME!  His joy and smile never fade.  He has such a fun, silly personality!  He still loves school work and asks to do it EVERY day.  I tell him daily to stop growing up but he doesn't listen ;)

Thank you all for your continued prayer!  Please continue to pray that Stephen's heart remains strong and his oxygen saturations stay where they should.

In Him,

Kim

The Aguirre Family

Tonight my heart is heavy as a new friend lost her 15 year old son to cancer yesterday.  I met Nina on Halloween at the Ronald McDonald House as she sat crying on a bench.  She was heart broken that her son Christian was yet again in the hospital and missing out on the night.  Christian had been cancer free for almost exactly a year and 10 days earlier he had relapsed.  She cried telling Wendy and I that "this was supposed to be his year".  That he had missed out on Halloween last year...and this was going to be his year.  And while she was grateful for a place for her other 3 boys to come and celebrate she was devastated that a part of her was left alone across the street.

Christian's story tugged on my heart and I returned with Joe and my family the following Friday to meet Christian after Stephen's cardiology appointment to give him a gift basket.  Nina had mentioned how defeated he felt and I wanted to do something small to brighten his day.  With the help of an anonymous donor I was able to make him an extra special basket in hopes of lifting his spirits...even for just a day.  November 6th I met Christian for the first and only time.  We talked and joked about him liking the Dallas Cowboys.  He was weak and soft spoken but he smiled as I told him how painful it was to buy him Cowboy slippers and not Charger ones =)  Since we were at the Ronald McDonald House I even found an old magazine with Stephen and Philip Rivers for him to take home and read.  We spent about an hour with him, his mom and his brothers and before they left we placed hand on him while Joe prayed.

5 days later she texted me asking for prayers as he was admitted into the ICU and today I received the worst text of them all.  "My boy took his last breath yesterday at 2am".  It has only been 2 weeks since we met...I can hardly believe it.

I can only imagine the pain and loss they feel right now.  She invited us to a candle vigil at their house tonight and I packed up the family and drive down to La Mesa.  I squeezed her long and tight as we cried together.

In some ways this all feels like a whirlwind.  I just met this family yet they asked me to grieve with them.  Yet God works in mysterious ways.  It was a volunteer at the carnival that noticed her crying alone and asked me to greet her.  It was a tug on my heart that said go back.  And in our brief relationship God has used Stephen's life to bring her joy.

Tonight, unexpectedly, she smiled getting to introduce Stephen to her family.  She proudly told them what a miracle child he was like her Christian.  She told us how often Christian looked at the magazine and talked about Stephen.  I could hardly believe it.  Stephen and his story made an impact on this family.  An impact I didn't see coming.  And all I could think was "how beautiful".  How beautiful it is that God puts certain people in our lives when we need it the most.  He uses us in ways we wouldn't expect and often in ways we never know.  There are so many people who made a lasting impact on me during my stay at the Ronald McDonald House and they don't even know it.  I will always remember the woman who saw me crying and came up immediately and hugged me.  She assured me that everything would be fine and prayed for me.  I don't know her name but I will always remember her hug.    

And all I can think right now is how beautiful.  How beautiful it is that I met Nina 3 weeks ago.  How beautiful it is that my kids got to meet and pray for Christian.  

I hate when my kids have to experience death.  I remember weeping when I had to tell them that a precious little girl who who they were praying for had passed away.  My first instinct was to avoid it. I allowed them to continue to pray for her because I didn't have the heart to tell them the truth.  I wanted to protect them from the pain and fear of death.  But one night Michael asked how she was doing and I broke down having to tell them.  It was so hard but so good.  And tonight was another one of those nights.  We had to explain to them what was going on and what to expect.  They asked a lot of good questions while we were there.  Why were people crying?  Why did he have cancer?  What kind of cancer did he have?  Can you catch cancer?  And I got to answer each and everyone and explain to them that we were here to support and love his family.  How beautiful is that.

Each of my kids got to give Nina a big hug...and Stephen gave her many!   The pain is real but there is beauty in it.  It feels strange to say but it brought me joy seeing her take him in her arms and smile.  That my baby, my little hero, was bringing her comfort without even knowing it.  It's beautiful.

So please pray for the Aguirre family.  The road ahead of them will be long and painful.  And while I don't know where their hearts are at I pray that God would do amazing things.  That they would put their hope and trust in Him and that they would feel His peace and presence through this pain.  And praise God for crossing our paths... It just feels like it was meant to be.

Brokenness

I want to thank each of your for your kind words of encouragement and commitments to prayer.  Tears streamed down my face as I read each and every one.  In case you missed the "Update Post" on his recent ECHO you can find it here...  Not the new I wanted to hear

Brokenness is hard.  The truth is that from the day we found out about Stephen's heart condition until now I have always remained a little broken on the inside.  There are plenty of great days, and even days/weeks that I forget that there is anything wrong with my sweet boy.  But most days his scar serves as a reminder to me of how different and fragile he is on the inside and this Mommy's heart aches...sometimes a little and sometimes more.  

There are still days when I question God on "why?" and wish that he could be just another normal 3 year old boy.   Those days are few and far between...but they still come.  Yet each time they do I am reminded of God's faithfulness and love.  I am reminded of all he has done and will continue to do through Stephen's life.  I am reminded of how He has always given us everything we need from the simplest timing of a text of encouragement to His unexplainable peace through Stephen's past surgeries.  And daily I am reminded of joy.  God has given Stephen such a joyful spirit that there is no question as to where that joy comes from.  His smile daily melts my heart!

Brokenness is a blessing.  It is my brokenness that has always drawn me closer to God.  It is my brokenness that reminds me of my desperate need for a Savior.  In my brokenness I am humbled.  I am reminded that I can't do everything on my own...though trust me I try.  In my brokenness God grows me.  He shapes me and molds me into the woman He desires.  Brokenness hurts...but brokenness draws me to God.   

Brokenness brought us life.  I love this quote...

"To us, broken things are despised as worthless, but God can take what has been broken and remake it into something better, something that He can use for His glory.  Broken things and broken people are the result of sin. Yet God sent his Son, who was without sin, to be broken so that we might be healed. On the night before He died, Jesus broke the bread and said, “This is my body, which is broken for you.” He went all the way to Calvary to die so that we can live. His death has made it possible for broken, sinful humanity to be reconciled to God and be healed. Without the broken body of Jesus, we could not be made whole. “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed” Isaiah 53:5

It is Christ's brokenness that I find hope.  "Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him".  While I pray for Stephen's heart to be strengthened, I more fervently pray that it will turn to God.  I pray that God will continue to draw Stephen closer to Him and that he will choose to follow Christ all the days of his life.  

Yes...right now I am broken.  I have been broken.  You may not see the brokenness...but it is there.  Yesterday I needed to cry but I also needed to be strong.  I had to receive that news in front of our 4 kids and I didn't want them to know I was scared or worried.  Luckily in the car I was able to mask the tears with sunglasses and for the most part I was able to hold it all together...minus one or two "let it all out" incidents to a few friends.  I am scared.  I have been scared.  The unknown is never fun.  But I will continue to "trust in the name of the Lord our God" ... and keep working on the whole "do not be anxious" command =)

Though this path may not be pleasant, I am grateful to not walk it alone.  "For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end" Psalm 48:14.  

This week at church we have the privilege of having Philip and Jessica Morlan from Seeds Family Worship speak at our Family Element event.  While I purchased their CDs to teach my kiddos God's Word their music has blessed me greatly.  Their songs are joyful, encouraging and directly from the Bible.  Yesterday this song was playing as we drove  from the hospital to church...it was just what I needed to hear.

Thank you again for your love, support, encouragement and prayers.  The Body of Christ is  beautiful and I am grateful for you all.   

I wanted to conclude with a prayer a friend sent me yesterday...

Dear Father God, 
Thank you for precious Stephen. Thank you for placing him here on earth with with us. Thank you for his happy smiles and the joy he brings to every day.  Lord God, we know that the very best thing that can happen for Stephen is that he know and love Jesus. We thank you that he seems to be right on track with this most important outcome. We thank you for Joe and Kim and their faithful modelling of love for You. We pray for Stephen that this ACE inhibitor will do it's job and keep Stephen's heart function from declining even more. But, Lord, we pray beyond that, too, that You, the Great Physician would strengthen Stephen's heart. We want Stephen to stay with us a long time on earth to share his joy and the work You are doing in his life.  We pray that this is your will, too.  Please strengthen and comfort Joe and Kim. Give them your wisdom to know how to face this news and how to trust You in this new season. We love You, Lord, and thank You that You walk through all of life with us. 

AMEN!

Not the news I wanted to hear...

Finding his hand prints in the Cardiology Clinic

Today has been rough.  I went into the appointment nervous and I left feeling broken and scared.  Stephen has always done incredibly well.  His cardiologist was only having him do yearly ECHOS because his heart was so strong and he saw no reason for that to change.  My biggest fear was hearing he need the surgery sooner than later and instead I was blindsided to find out that his heart function has actually decreased...not good =(

While he is still in the normal range, he is resting at the bottom of it.  It is serious enough that he will get put on an ACE inhibitor twice a day in hopes that it will help his heart to not decrease anymore...which would be a sign of something more serious.  If Stephen's heart function were to remain where it is today for the rest of his life he would be fine...if it continues to drop we will have some serious problems.  Problems I am hoping never become a reality =(  This news was hard to hear especially because they have no idea why this happens...it just sometimes does.

As for the surgery he does not think Stephen is quite ready.  He needs to gain a little more weight and it will most likely occur 6-9 months for now.  The problem with his heart now has nothing to do with the surgery so having it (or not having it) will make no difference in its function.

So...the  plan for now is to do repeat ECHOS every 3 months and he will be seen again in October to monitor where his function is at.  Please PRAY that it does not decrease but that it will remain the same... or even better that it will miraculously increase!

These next 3-6-9 months will not be easy for me.  You may not always see the brokenness...but its there.  This is the reality of my life a heart mom.  The are high highs and low lows.  It is scary and unknown and I would really appreciate your prayers.

And though I did not receive the news I was hoping for I will praise God for how well Stephen handled it all.  He was incredible.  He laid still for 45 minutes while they took 114 pictures of his heart.  He was never worried or scared but was all smiles and even tickled the technician.  For that I am grateful!  May God continue to protect him and strengthen him and use his life to touch this world.  I hate the unknowns that lie ahead...but I am grateful to have a God that never changes and will continue to provide for all of our needs.

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;

    he delivers them from all their troubles.

18 

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

    and saves those who are crushed in spirit"

 Thank you for your faithful prayers...they truly mean the world to our family!

Much Love In Christ,

Kim

Yearly ECHO

If you haven't noticed I have been pretty quiet on hear lately.  With talks of surgeries and cath labs the gravity of Stephen's condition became all too real and too emotional.  Matter of fact this past week has been hard.  A fellow Heart Mama and friend's daughter Teagan underwent open heart surgery (the one Stephen is awaiting) and I have been wreck on the inside.  I have sat and cried as I have read each update and remembered what it felt like to be in that place and pictured how it will feel to be in that place again soon...and it breaks me.

I break at the thought of that being Stephen.  At the thought of it being him wheeled away and opened up.  At the thought of it being him in pain with writes, line and tubes.  It breaks me.  I have physically ached this past week for my friend and her daughter.   Yet I am also encouraged at Teagan's love of God and her trust in Him and I pray that Stephen too would follow in those steps and handle all of this with as much strength and trust as this sweet little girl has.  If you would like to join me in praying for Teagan you can follow her story at http://babygirlmaxwell.blogspot.com

SO this brings me to tomorrow.  Tomorrow we go down for Stephen's yearly ECHO.  I know full well we will be discussing this future surgery and the timing of it.  I am hoping (and praying) for great news.  I am praying that his heart is strong, his oxygen is good and his body can wait a year (or more)
before undergoing it.  I also know full well that I may not receive the news I wan't to hear...but either way I pray for God's clear guidance.  I wan't to be at peace with the decision...whatever decision that may be.  I wan't to do what is best for Stephen, even if what is best is also the most painful.

So please join me in prayer tomorrow.  His ECHO is at 12:30 and his appointment with his

This little guy always brings me joy!

Cardiologist is at 2:20.  Pray that God would clearly direct our paths.  Pray that Stephen's heart is strong and healthy.  And pray that God would continue to draw Stephen closer to Him and give him the joy, peace and strength he will need in the road to come.  This is also the first time will be able to attempt the ECHO without him needed to be sedated (praise God) so please pray that he is able to lie their rather still for about an hour so they can't get all of the images they need =)

I will try to update in the next few days (maybe even late tomorrow) but we have a big event at our church the next 3 nights that we will be going straight to from the hospital to set up for and run...not ideal timing but it is what it is =)

Thank you for all of your prayers and support...they are truly appreciated!

Much Love in Christ,
Kim

Dinner With Friends

Joe and I are super excited to be attending "Dinner with Friends" this Saturday!  By now you all know how much we value and love the Ronald McDonald House!  This special place is a tremendous asset to our community and we know first hand how their services bless families in crisis.

I encourage you to click on the event and scroll down to the bottom and simply read how this wonderful fundraiser came about.

Dinner with Friends

But before you go I want to share a little more about how the RMH has blessed our family.

While the RMH has 47 guestrooms that provide a "home away from home" for families like ours with a child in medical crisis, most people are unaware that they are not only for overnight guests!  The RMH also provides 3 FREE meals a day to any parent with a child admitted into Rady's Children's Hospital.  How amazing is that!  Whether you are there for a day, a week, a month, or longer they will take care of all your meal needs!

Our family was so blessed by these meals that we have gone back a few times each year to provide them for others.  On some of the hardest days of my life a complete stranger took care of my basic needs.  They gave their time and money to feed me...how beautiful is that?  There were days when I entered the house so broken and scared.  There were times when it was hard to look those serving me in the eye for fear of completely falling apart and there were times when I wanted to make a connection and share our story.  But each day a different group of volunteers took care of me and I find so much beauty in their service.

So please do me a favor...head over to the site above and read about how these two guys, Carlos & Matt, began this wonderful fundraiser benefiting our families "Home Away from Home".

If you would like to attend the event...great!  Joe and I will be there and even get to share a few minutes of our story!  If you can't make the event but would like to contribute any amount that is wonderful!  I usually get around 100 hits on each post so if everyone who read this blog donated even $5 we could help support this fundraiser and raise $500!  And lastly is you could share this event and challenge on your Facebook page we can spread the word to others who may be interested and just need an invitation!

The Ronald McDonald House has seen our family through 2 open heart surgeries, a cardiac catheterization, an oral surgery, and 2 unplanned hospitalizations.  And while I would love to remain on the volunteer side of the counter, I know with Stephen's 3rd surgery looming that we will soon find ourselves in line to receive again.  It is a painful place to be but I am grateful to know that when the times comes we will be well taken care of.

Thank you all for continued prayers for our precious son and thank you for letting me blab over and over about the Ronald McDonald House and the special place it has in our hearts =)

With Much Love & Gratitude,

Kim

Heartiversary

 Taken a few days after his surgery

Today marks Stephen's 3rd "heartiversary".  In the CHD world many parents celebrate the anniversary of a significant open heart surgery (OHS).  April 26th, 2012 was the date of Stephen's first.  This was by far the worst day of my life.  My baby was just 10 days old when I had to watch them wheel him away from me.  He should have been at home in my arms...not on a table in an operating room.  The mere thought of what they had to do to him was, and is, too much for me to handle.  He was so little, so innocent and yet faced with such a steep hill to climb.  
It is strange having a "medically fragile" child with a condition that is so "hidden".  Most people will never know or grasp the true miracle that he is.  The fact that Stephen never required a g-tube or fortified milk alone was a miracle.  Unlike most heart babies he never struggled to put on weight and even grew himself a few chins =)  Simply put... Stephen is the "best case scenario" for his condition.  I get asked often if he is "done" or "fixed" and if the next surgery will be the last one.  The hard truth is that there is currently no cure for Stephen's condition.  All 3 planned surgeries are considered palliative.  Other than a 3rd OHS we truly don't know what the future holds.  

While we are trying to decide the timing of his 3rd surgery, and seeking opinions, the thought of him having to go through it all again just breaks me.  It breaks me to think about all that he will have to endure for a third time and what we will have to say to him in preparation for the big day.  How do you even begin to put it in words?  It is incredibly painful to watch your baby be wheeled away and it breaks me to think about how we will have to let go and hand him over once again and how he will have to wake up in such a different state then when they put him to sleep.  Stephen is so full of joy and I don't want anything to take that away from him.  It breaks me to think that there will be days where I won't see a smile on his face. 

And while I know that this is all just "sometime in the future" I find myself broken.

There is a possibility that this reality may be sooner than I would like.  We will be meeting with a surgeon in May and discussing our options regarding the timing of the Fontan surgery.  Though as one cardiologist has put it...
"We don't know the answers re: Fontan timing. There is essentially no compelling literature to support early or late. Keep in mind that you are trying to decide between two sub-optimal (at best) options."  

That is the truth.  We have 2 "sub-optimal...at best" options.  Stephens heart will most likely never be made whole on this side of eternity.  I know he looks great and seems normal, and in some ways he is, but the truth is that Stephen will most likely always have an upward hill to climb.  This breaks me!

 Taken a few days after his surgery

But as I learned April 26, 2012, when I am broken... His power is made perfect.  Never before did I rely upon my God than the day of Stephen's first surgery.  It was the first time in my life that I felt, and was, completely and utterly out of control.  My son's life was placed in someone else's hands.  His heart, the size of a walnut, was removed and operated on. Never before had I so desperately cry out to the Lord as I did that day.  And in my brokenness, and through the tears, I very clearly felt God's presence and knew that irregardless of the outcome Hope would remain.  When I am weak...He is strong.   

And this is my prayer.  That God would continue to shape and mold me through these trials. That His power would be made perfect in my weakness and that His grace would be sufficient.  I pray that he would help guide us in decision making and give Stephen, and all of us, the strength and peace to get through road ahead.  I pray that Stephen's joy will always remain and that God would continue to use this amazing little man to touch the hearts and lives of others.  And I pray that Stephen will trust in our Lord all of the days of His life and that he would dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

So please continue to pray for our little heart hero.  He still has an uphill battle. 
 

“The Lord bless you and keep you;
 The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;

The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.”’

Happy Heartiversary Buddy!

You are strong, brave and joyful and you have made your mommy such a better person.  

May God continue to bless you and mold your sweet little heart to follow Him! 

Birthday Celebrations Part 2

THE PARTY!!!!

Stephen chose to have a Disney Cars Birthday party...actually in his words he wanted a "Lightning & Mater party"!  I had fun (as always) running with the theme and making decorations.  

I also had a little way too much fun making a backdrop and props for a photo booth!  It was a hit with the kids...and adults!

Stephen had a blast jumping in a bounce house, playing with friends, taking silly pictures and opening presents!  He was a little shy when everyone started singing "Happy Birthday" but he loved his brownie and ice cream =)  And he got a Mike Trout Angels jersey like the rest of his siblings!  He has now worn it 2 days in a row and doesn't want to take it off.  Don't tell Trout..but he thought it was Philip River's Angels jersey ;)  

Stephen has talked about his birthday and party all week :)  He even asked me how long until he turns 7 (his favorite number).  He is growing up so fast and I am trying to soak all of these moments in.  It is hard watching my "baby" not be a baby anymore.  He is such a big boy these days! 

Thank you to all who have prayed for Stephen and our family these past three years.  I know many of you still have the heart magnet on your fridge and faithfully pray for our son and we are so grateful that you do!   Please continue to pray for wisdom in upcoming surgeries (I will have an update in a few days of where we are at) and that this little guy never looses his joy!

God Bless!

Birthday Celebrations Part 1

We have a blast celebrating Stephen turning 3....and he LOVED every minute of it!  On his birthday he woke up to decorations and a few presents.  We got him a new lightening McQueen scooter, a Dusty figurine from Planes Fire & Rescue and some school books.  In true Stephen fashion he immediately chose to "play" with his favorite...schoolwork!  This kid asks to do school work EVERY day.  I have put my foot down and say no on weekends so I can get a break ;)

This video doesn't capture his excitement but I thought it was so cute that he was wondering where "all the people" were to watch him open his presents =)

After our birthday tradition of sprinkle pancakes for breakfast we took off for Legoland!  Once you turn 3 you are allowed to go on a super fun ride where you get to drive a little car all by yourself. This kid was in heaven and went on it 7 times!

All in all we had a GREAT time and after 6 hours of fun this kid was OUT on the way home!!!

We had such a great time celebrating Stephen and he loved every minute of it!  He would proudly walk around and say "I 3!" or "It's my Birfday"  (yes I spelled it like he pronounces it) =)

I shed a few tears times as I sat and watched him glow with excitement.  This little guy has gone through so much and yet remains so full of joy.  I am so very blessed to be his mommy and I can hardly believe that my baby is 3!  

Happy Birthday Buddy!

3 years ago a beautiful soul entered this world and his life forever changed mine.  The anniversary of his birth brings such a mixed bag of emotions.  It is with sincere gratitude that I look back on these past 3 years and thank the Lord for Stephen's life.  While so many heart heros fail to see their first birthday, Stephen has seen 3 and I know how blessed we are.

Each year I go back and read through the blog posts from the beginning.  They tell a beautiful story of the bravest little guy I know and capture so many of our raw emotions.  They show our cries to God as well as our praises.  They bring me to tears and yet bring joy to my heart.  It has been a hard journey but also a beautiful one.

This picture below shows the 10 seconds I got to hold my baby on the day of his birth.  He had been in this world for a good 20 minutes before I even saw a glimpse of his face and it would be days before he would be in my arms again.

There was a team of 11 doctors, nurses, specialists, respiratory therapists, and a transport team that crowded the delivery room.  They immediately placed IV's and wires on his tiny little body.  While most moms wait to hear their babies weight and height, I waited to hear he was stable and able to be moved.  The first glimpse I had of his face came from a photo Joe was able to sneak on his phone.   I then found myself for the next few hours stuck in one hospital while my baby and husband were in another...a heartbreaking place to be.  I was relieved when they finally let Joe wheel me down to Radys to be with him.  I sat for hours in a wheel chair next to his bed.  There was nothing I could do for him but sit and pray.  At this point he was slightly struggling and even little noises would agitate him and cause his oxygen saturations to drop.  So I sat and prayed...and snuck in his first picture with his daddy =)

While this day was in so many ways a struggle, it is such a blessing to be sitting here 3 years later with so much to be thankful for and so much to celebrate!  God has walked this road with us every step of the way.  He has been our rock and our refuge and we would not be who we are today without Him.  I am so thankful for the life and provision he has granted Stephen and I pray that he would continue to strengthen his heart and use Stephen's journey for His glory.

There is also so much to celebrate today!  We celebrate his life and all of the joy he has brought to our lives!  We celebrate the obstacles he has overcome and the strength he has shown.  We celebrate the impact his life has made and how God has done "immeasurably more" than we could have dreamed.  We celebrate Stephen!  In all his wonderful silliness we celebrate Stephen today!

As per Stephen's request we will be spending the day at Legoland!  He has been counting down all week (with help from his siblings) for today.  He is sooooo excited for his birthday and that just makes it extra special for me =)

He has grown so much these past few months!  He still LOVES school work and asks to do it EVERY day.  He knows almost all of his letters and numbers and loves to count.  He is completely done with diapers, sleeps in the bottom bunk, can peddle his tricycle by himself and hits a baseball pitched at him.  To a mom who was told he would most likely be delayed...these are all little miracles!

So today I wish my little buddy a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

My God continue to bless his life and grant many more Birthdays to come!

Easter Festivities

I have been far too busy to write and well... I don't like that.  I find that writing and jotting down my thoughts can be extremely therapeutic yet with 4 kids, homeschooling, loads of laundry and hubby I care to spend time with sometimes my only therapy is chocolate =)

I did however want to find the time to share with you my wonderful and slightly chaotic Easter festivities.  I would like to thank all of those who gave their time and money to make our Easter Carnival at the San Diego Ronald McDonald House another success.  We truly could not have done it without ALL OF YOU!!!

For the entire week leading to Easter my house looked like this.  I take that back...this is when it was "clean".  For much of the week the floor was not visible! As my good friend Wendy stated it looked like Easter threw up at my house!  But, with the help of others, we made and wrapped 120 Easter baskets!!!  And these weren't just any old Easter baskets...they were AMAZING!  They were baskets that parents would wish they could give their children...heck they were baskets my children wished I would give them =)

This is where it gets real for me.  I know to some it may seem like I go overboard, or put too much time into it, but I know the pain and hurt these families are feeling and I know the joy and relief these baskets can bring.

Last Saturday I handed a basket to a mom in tears who was so grateful and relieved she would be able to give her daughter this gift.  She shared how 4 days prior she would have never had expected to be spending this holiday in the hospital.  That Wednesday her daughter (who is 6) went in for a MRI and by the next morning she was in surgery to begin cancer treatment.  In a flash her life was forever changed.  My heart broke, as it always does when I hear these types of stories, but it is also the driving fuel for my passion in this ministry.  These families are hurting.  Many of them have a child with a life threatening medical crisis and they need a glimpse of hope, a moment of relief... and JESUS!!

God has given me a heart and passion for this place.  It is a place where broken people can come in and feel supported and loved.  Where volunteers, people you don't even know, take their time to provide your basic needs when you need it most.

I know all too well how important a place like the Ronald McDonald House is to our community. These people serve families in crisis...and we were just one of them.  It brings tears to my eyes to think back on the days we needed the House.  Put it this way... the day Stephen had his first open heart surgery a group of volunteers were there to feed me.  I didn't know them, they didn't know me, but they fed me.  This past December when Stephen went in for his oral surgery I was a mess.  Joe and I had not eaten so once they took Stephen back into the operating room we went to the House to get breakfast.  I couldn't even stand in the line.  It felt terrible to be on the other side of the buffet table.  I have been so used to serving these past 3 years that I had almost forgot what it felt like to be in need.  I broke down and while I standing there in tears a lady came and gave me a hug and prayed for me.  It is moments like these that keep me coming back.  I want to be that comfort and support to someone when they need it most.  Whether it is providing the meal, making blankets, putting together a carnival or making super awesome Easter Baskets, I want to serve these families and I feel incredibly blessed to have a church of supporters behind me =)


On a lighter note (I'm sentimental... I can't help it) I am going to back up and fill you in on what we did April 4th.

The day before Easter about 45 of us from Riverview went down to the Ronald McDonald House to make/serve dinner and put on an Easter Carnival and Egg Hunt!  Outside we had 10 carnival style games, face painting, a photo booth, popcorn, cotton candy, nachos and a bounce house/slide combo! It was a joy serving alongside of so many wonderful families and I loved watching all of the little ones get involved!

With a last minute AMAZING donation by our church I was able to help put 36 baskets together specially made for the parents and families in the NICU (a place near and dear to my heart).  Each basket contained a stuffed animal, blanket, socks/beanie and some candy/snacks for the parents.  These baskets were given out to the parents on Easter morning and I received a text from my friend Erin (who is a NICU nurse at Rady's) that the parents were super grateful and blessed by the unexpected gift =)  We also brought over 30 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies to the nurses and doctors...because they can use a little love too!


And as an added little bonus to the baskets, a sticker was placed on all 120 of them reading...

Happy Easter!

With Love in Christ,

Riverview Church

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade" 1 Peter 1:3-4

My prayer is that these baskets, and the conversations that so many of us had with parents that day, will plant a seed in their hearts...and that one day that seed will grow =)

Again, THANK YOU all who helped in anyway (time, money & prayers) to make this day possible.  It is hard to believe in a few short days my miracle baby will be turning 3...God has greatly blessed us with his life and I pray that He would continue to use it to touch the hearts and lives of others!

With Much Love & Gratitude In Christ,

The Russell Family