Operation Easter Baskets!

This year our family will again be taking donations to make Easter Baskets for the Ronald McDonald House in San Diego!

Some of our baskets from last year!

The RMH provides a "home away from home" for families with children being treated for serious, often life-threatening, conditions at Rady Children's Hospital.   We are hoping to bless the families who will be spending this holiday away from home!  

Our goal is to provide an Easter Basket for every child staying at the house, as well as their sibling in the hospital!  We are going for quality over quantity...we want these baskets to be extra special!

Whether you live close by, or across the country, you can help!  We just ask that you donate items by Sunday March 20th.  We will be passing them out on  March 26th during our churches' annual Easter Carnival & Egg Hunt! 

Suggested Items:

• Wrapped Candy
• Coloring Books
• Crayons/Markers
• Stuffed Animals
• Books (for all ages)
• Small Toys:  yo-yo's, jump ropes, card games, toy cars/trucks, action figures, necklaces, bracelets, balls, small dolls, ect.)
• Legos & Sports Balls
• Items for teenagers (toiletries, hairbrushes, hair accessories, nail polish, gift cards, etc)

Basically anything fun that you think kids would enjoy and would fit in a basket! 

We ask that all items are new, not used, and NO BUBBLES!

We are also in need of the larger round Easter Baskets.  They can be found at Walmart for $1.98.  We would prefer these over the small baskets and buckets if possible =)

For more ideas (especially if you live far away) you can check our Amazon Wish List!  Feel free to share this with friends and family near and far!  The more people who help the better!

http://amzn.com/w/VIDUYX4EQJBV

We are also hoping to again make 30-50 baskets for babies and parents in the NICU!  If you (or someone you know) crochets we would love cute beanies to add to the baskets!  We will also include small socks, booties and blankets!

For more information or any questions contact 

Kim Russell

krussell@refc.org

Four Years Ago Today...

4 years ago today ( December 20th) my world came crashing down.

9 days earlier I walked out of my OB office with a little slip of paper that said BOY!  It was such a special moment to unfold it and have all 5 of us find out the gender of the little blessing God was giving us.  Michael and Joe were ecstatic!  Michael would get a brother and Joe wouldn't have 3 weddings to pay for =)  Life was "good".

The doctor had said everything looked wonderful, but due to the way the baby was positioned, I would have to come back in a week or so to get the rest of the measurements.  It was to be a quick 5 minute appointment and nothing more.

Looking back 4 years it is amazing to see how God's hand was involved.  First he protected me from finding out with my 3 babies waiting just outside.  They were spared seeing me sob like I had never sobbed before.  We were able to experience the joy of finding out the gender together instead of having them witness the heartbreak.  Four years ago today I heard the words "your child''s heart did not form properly and he will require multiple surgeries to survive".   I left that office crushed and alone.  I could hardly get words out to Joe on the phone.  Poor thing.  He quickly called a babysitter and drove the 35 minutes to sit with me in a parking lot.  I couldn't move.  I couldn't drive.  I couldn't talk.  I just cried.

He also spared me from not finding out at all.  When I showed up 9 days later and they told me how much I would have to pay I almost left.  I figured it was their fault they didn't get all of the images they needed, and since everything was "perfect" as they said, why should I have to pay another $500?  They agreed to give me a huge discount and I went in.   I learned that day that you just pay...no amount of money would be worth not knowing!

God also guided that technician to find Stephen's condition.  Not all babies and Mamas are so lucky.  Many congenital heart defects can and do go undetected and the results can be very harmful to the child.  As devastating as the news was...I am so grateful we learned of it then.

Four years ago today, as Joe and I sat in a parking lot in tears, we named our son Stephen Joseph.  We didn't want to wait...we wanted to be able to pray for him by name right away.  We had been set on Stephen for along time.  He would be named after one of our dear friends and mentor (Mark Stephen Henderson).  He had such a huge impact on the man my husband was (and is today) and he and his wife greatly blessed and poured into our relationship and marriage.  The middle name, however, had been up in the air.  But I new at that moment that I wanted this little guy to have his Daddy's name.  So amongst tears and heartache we named our unborn son Stephen Joseph in the parking lot of Vista Way OBGYN.

I cried more that day than I even knew was possible.  I cried until I had no tears...and then I cried even more.  But four years ago today Joe and I made a promise.  We promised that we would choose hope.  That we would remain faithful to God despite the unknown and possible outcomes.  That even though we didn't understand "why" we would trust in Him and His promises.  That if our son was going to suffer that we wouldn't let it be in vain.  That we wouldn't do anything to get in the way of God doing good.  Four years ago today I told God that he had better show up (my words exactly).  That he promised "all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord" and that His word had better be true...that if I remained in Him that good would somehow come from this.  It wasn't in pride that I said this...but in brokenness.  I came to Him a broken, crushed mother.   I wanted to know that His promises were true.  That if my son had to suffer that good would come.

Looking back four years I am amazed.  I am amazed at how God has not only guided and protected us from the very beginning, but how He has remained so faithful and true to His word.  I am amazed at how much beauty and goodness has come from Stephen's life.  It truly moves me to tears.  I can only imagine how gentle and forgiving he was of me that night.  I almost picture Him cupping my face and assuring me "yes my child...I will show up in greater ways than you can ever imagine".  He heard my cries and desperate plea and He has done greater things in these past four years than I could ever have hoped for or imagined.

God has taken the deepest pain I have ever felt and turned into into something beautiful....for that I am in awe.

So as I sit here and reflect upon that day four years ago,  I do so with sadness and gratitude.  The memories will always be painful, but I am thankful to be able to look back and see God's hand at work.  To see how he loved and cared for us in ways we didn't even know we needed, and to see how much joy and goodness He has brought the world through our precious Stephen Joseph!

May God continue to strengthen and protect Stephen's heart and use his life to make a lasting imprint for His kingdom!

Update

Since Stephen's last ECHO in the beginning of November I have been a little pre-occupied to write but wanted to give an update to those who don't have Facebook.

As you may recall we did not get the news we were expecting back in July (see post here Not the News I Wanted to Hear) 

Stephen's heart function had decreased, as well as his O2 Sats, and I was stunned to say the least.  The plan went form yearly ECHOS to an ECHO ever 3 months.  Well the plan has changed again!  This last ECHO showed no more decrease...if anything the cardiologist actually thinks this ECHO looked better!  And his O2 sats were right back where they are supposed to be!  PRAISE GOD!!!

When I asked where we are at now his doctor said (and I quote) "I feel a lot better about things now" Well good...me too!!!

He said we are still in a holding plan for now.  Stephen has stopped gaining weight (we now have to go back to whole milk) and therefore still isn't the ideal size/weight for the next surgery.  He also agrees that there is no rush and that we will continue to weigh the pros/cons of the surgery's timing at each appointment.  When the benefits of it outweigh the risks is when we will move forward.

His next ECHO is now not for 6 more months...though after we walked out Joe and I both wish we had asked to have another one in 3 months just to make sure.  But for now we will continue to trust in the Lord and praise God for the good news!

As for a non heart update...Stephen is AWESOME!  His joy and smile never fade.  He has such a fun, silly personality!  He still loves school work and asks to do it EVERY day.  I tell him daily to stop growing up but he doesn't listen ;)

Thank you all for your continued prayer!  Please continue to pray that Stephen's heart remains strong and his oxygen saturations stay where they should.

In Him,

Kim

The Aguirre Family

Tonight my heart is heavy as a new friend lost her 15 year old son to cancer yesterday.  I met Nina on Halloween at the Ronald McDonald House as she sat crying on a bench.  She was heart broken that her son Christian was yet again in the hospital and missing out on the night.  Christian had been cancer free for almost exactly a year and 10 days earlier he had relapsed.  She cried telling Wendy and I that "this was supposed to be his year".  That he had missed out on Halloween last year...and this was going to be his year.  And while she was grateful for a place for her other 3 boys to come and celebrate she was devastated that a part of her was left alone across the street.

Christian's story tugged on my heart and I returned with Joe and my family the following Friday to meet Christian after Stephen's cardiology appointment to give him a gift basket.  Nina had mentioned how defeated he felt and I wanted to do something small to brighten his day.  With the help of an anonymous donor I was able to make him an extra special basket in hopes of lifting his spirits...even for just a day.  November 6th I met Christian for the first and only time.  We talked and joked about him liking the Dallas Cowboys.  He was weak and soft spoken but he smiled as I told him how painful it was to buy him Cowboy slippers and not Charger ones =)  Since we were at the Ronald McDonald House I even found an old magazine with Stephen and Philip Rivers for him to take home and read.  We spent about an hour with him, his mom and his brothers and before they left we placed hand on him while Joe prayed.

5 days later she texted me asking for prayers as he was admitted into the ICU and today I received the worst text of them all.  "My boy took his last breath yesterday at 2am".  It has only been 2 weeks since we met...I can hardly believe it.

I can only imagine the pain and loss they feel right now.  She invited us to a candle vigil at their house tonight and I packed up the family and drive down to La Mesa.  I squeezed her long and tight as we cried together.

In some ways this all feels like a whirlwind.  I just met this family yet they asked me to grieve with them.  Yet God works in mysterious ways.  It was a volunteer at the carnival that noticed her crying alone and asked me to greet her.  It was a tug on my heart that said go back.  And in our brief relationship God has used Stephen's life to bring her joy.

Tonight, unexpectedly, she smiled getting to introduce Stephen to her family.  She proudly told them what a miracle child he was like her Christian.  She told us how often Christian looked at the magazine and talked about Stephen.  I could hardly believe it.  Stephen and his story made an impact on this family.  An impact I didn't see coming.  And all I could think was "how beautiful".  How beautiful it is that God puts certain people in our lives when we need it the most.  He uses us in ways we wouldn't expect and often in ways we never know.  There are so many people who made a lasting impact on me during my stay at the Ronald McDonald House and they don't even know it.  I will always remember the woman who saw me crying and came up immediately and hugged me.  She assured me that everything would be fine and prayed for me.  I don't know her name but I will always remember her hug.    

And all I can think right now is how beautiful.  How beautiful it is that I met Nina 3 weeks ago.  How beautiful it is that my kids got to meet and pray for Christian.  

I hate when my kids have to experience death.  I remember weeping when I had to tell them that a precious little girl who who they were praying for had passed away.  My first instinct was to avoid it. I allowed them to continue to pray for her because I didn't have the heart to tell them the truth.  I wanted to protect them from the pain and fear of death.  But one night Michael asked how she was doing and I broke down having to tell them.  It was so hard but so good.  And tonight was another one of those nights.  We had to explain to them what was going on and what to expect.  They asked a lot of good questions while we were there.  Why were people crying?  Why did he have cancer?  What kind of cancer did he have?  Can you catch cancer?  And I got to answer each and everyone and explain to them that we were here to support and love his family.  How beautiful is that.

Each of my kids got to give Nina a big hug...and Stephen gave her many!   The pain is real but there is beauty in it.  It feels strange to say but it brought me joy seeing her take him in her arms and smile.  That my baby, my little hero, was bringing her comfort without even knowing it.  It's beautiful.

So please pray for the Aguirre family.  The road ahead of them will be long and painful.  And while I don't know where their hearts are at I pray that God would do amazing things.  That they would put their hope and trust in Him and that they would feel His peace and presence through this pain.  And praise God for crossing our paths... It just feels like it was meant to be.

Brokenness

I want to thank each of your for your kind words of encouragement and commitments to prayer.  Tears streamed down my face as I read each and every one.  In case you missed the "Update Post" on his recent ECHO you can find it here...  Not the new I wanted to hear

Brokenness is hard.  The truth is that from the day we found out about Stephen's heart condition until now I have always remained a little broken on the inside.  There are plenty of great days, and even days/weeks that I forget that there is anything wrong with my sweet boy.  But most days his scar serves as a reminder to me of how different and fragile he is on the inside and this Mommy's heart aches...sometimes a little and sometimes more.  

There are still days when I question God on "why?" and wish that he could be just another normal 3 year old boy.   Those days are few and far between...but they still come.  Yet each time they do I am reminded of God's faithfulness and love.  I am reminded of all he has done and will continue to do through Stephen's life.  I am reminded of how He has always given us everything we need from the simplest timing of a text of encouragement to His unexplainable peace through Stephen's past surgeries.  And daily I am reminded of joy.  God has given Stephen such a joyful spirit that there is no question as to where that joy comes from.  His smile daily melts my heart!

Brokenness is a blessing.  It is my brokenness that has always drawn me closer to God.  It is my brokenness that reminds me of my desperate need for a Savior.  In my brokenness I am humbled.  I am reminded that I can't do everything on my own...though trust me I try.  In my brokenness God grows me.  He shapes me and molds me into the woman He desires.  Brokenness hurts...but brokenness draws me to God.   

Brokenness brought us life.  I love this quote...

"To us, broken things are despised as worthless, but God can take what has been broken and remake it into something better, something that He can use for His glory.  Broken things and broken people are the result of sin. Yet God sent his Son, who was without sin, to be broken so that we might be healed. On the night before He died, Jesus broke the bread and said, “This is my body, which is broken for you.” He went all the way to Calvary to die so that we can live. His death has made it possible for broken, sinful humanity to be reconciled to God and be healed. Without the broken body of Jesus, we could not be made whole. “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed” Isaiah 53:5

It is Christ's brokenness that I find hope.  "Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him".  While I pray for Stephen's heart to be strengthened, I more fervently pray that it will turn to God.  I pray that God will continue to draw Stephen closer to Him and that he will choose to follow Christ all the days of his life.  

Yes...right now I am broken.  I have been broken.  You may not see the brokenness...but it is there.  Yesterday I needed to cry but I also needed to be strong.  I had to receive that news in front of our 4 kids and I didn't want them to know I was scared or worried.  Luckily in the car I was able to mask the tears with sunglasses and for the most part I was able to hold it all together...minus one or two "let it all out" incidents to a few friends.  I am scared.  I have been scared.  The unknown is never fun.  But I will continue to "trust in the name of the Lord our God" ... and keep working on the whole "do not be anxious" command =)

Though this path may not be pleasant, I am grateful to not walk it alone.  "For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end" Psalm 48:14.  

This week at church we have the privilege of having Philip and Jessica Morlan from Seeds Family Worship speak at our Family Element event.  While I purchased their CDs to teach my kiddos God's Word their music has blessed me greatly.  Their songs are joyful, encouraging and directly from the Bible.  Yesterday this song was playing as we drove  from the hospital to church...it was just what I needed to hear.

Thank you again for your love, support, encouragement and prayers.  The Body of Christ is  beautiful and I am grateful for you all.   

I wanted to conclude with a prayer a friend sent me yesterday...

Dear Father God, 
Thank you for precious Stephen. Thank you for placing him here on earth with with us. Thank you for his happy smiles and the joy he brings to every day.  Lord God, we know that the very best thing that can happen for Stephen is that he know and love Jesus. We thank you that he seems to be right on track with this most important outcome. We thank you for Joe and Kim and their faithful modelling of love for You. We pray for Stephen that this ACE inhibitor will do it's job and keep Stephen's heart function from declining even more. But, Lord, we pray beyond that, too, that You, the Great Physician would strengthen Stephen's heart. We want Stephen to stay with us a long time on earth to share his joy and the work You are doing in his life.  We pray that this is your will, too.  Please strengthen and comfort Joe and Kim. Give them your wisdom to know how to face this news and how to trust You in this new season. We love You, Lord, and thank You that You walk through all of life with us. 

AMEN!

Not the news I wanted to hear...

Finding his hand prints in the Cardiology Clinic

Today has been rough.  I went into the appointment nervous and I left feeling broken and scared.  Stephen has always done incredibly well.  His cardiologist was only having him do yearly ECHOS because his heart was so strong and he saw no reason for that to change.  My biggest fear was hearing he need the surgery sooner than later and instead I was blindsided to find out that his heart function has actually decreased...not good =(

While he is still in the normal range, he is resting at the bottom of it.  It is serious enough that he will get put on an ACE inhibitor twice a day in hopes that it will help his heart to not decrease anymore...which would be a sign of something more serious.  If Stephen's heart function were to remain where it is today for the rest of his life he would be fine...if it continues to drop we will have some serious problems.  Problems I am hoping never become a reality =(  This news was hard to hear especially because they have no idea why this happens...it just sometimes does.

As for the surgery he does not think Stephen is quite ready.  He needs to gain a little more weight and it will most likely occur 6-9 months for now.  The problem with his heart now has nothing to do with the surgery so having it (or not having it) will make no difference in its function.

So...the  plan for now is to do repeat ECHOS every 3 months and he will be seen again in October to monitor where his function is at.  Please PRAY that it does not decrease but that it will remain the same... or even better that it will miraculously increase!

These next 3-6-9 months will not be easy for me.  You may not always see the brokenness...but its there.  This is the reality of my life a heart mom.  The are high highs and low lows.  It is scary and unknown and I would really appreciate your prayers.

And though I did not receive the news I was hoping for I will praise God for how well Stephen handled it all.  He was incredible.  He laid still for 45 minutes while they took 114 pictures of his heart.  He was never worried or scared but was all smiles and even tickled the technician.  For that I am grateful!  May God continue to protect him and strengthen him and use his life to touch this world.  I hate the unknowns that lie ahead...but I am grateful to have a God that never changes and will continue to provide for all of our needs.

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;

    he delivers them from all their troubles.

18 

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

    and saves those who are crushed in spirit"

 Thank you for your faithful prayers...they truly mean the world to our family!

Much Love In Christ,

Kim

Yearly ECHO

If you haven't noticed I have been pretty quiet on hear lately.  With talks of surgeries and cath labs the gravity of Stephen's condition became all too real and too emotional.  Matter of fact this past week has been hard.  A fellow Heart Mama and friend's daughter Teagan underwent open heart surgery (the one Stephen is awaiting) and I have been wreck on the inside.  I have sat and cried as I have read each update and remembered what it felt like to be in that place and pictured how it will feel to be in that place again soon...and it breaks me.

I break at the thought of that being Stephen.  At the thought of it being him wheeled away and opened up.  At the thought of it being him in pain with writes, line and tubes.  It breaks me.  I have physically ached this past week for my friend and her daughter.   Yet I am also encouraged at Teagan's love of God and her trust in Him and I pray that Stephen too would follow in those steps and handle all of this with as much strength and trust as this sweet little girl has.  If you would like to join me in praying for Teagan you can follow her story at http://babygirlmaxwell.blogspot.com

SO this brings me to tomorrow.  Tomorrow we go down for Stephen's yearly ECHO.  I know full well we will be discussing this future surgery and the timing of it.  I am hoping (and praying) for great news.  I am praying that his heart is strong, his oxygen is good and his body can wait a year (or more)
before undergoing it.  I also know full well that I may not receive the news I wan't to hear...but either way I pray for God's clear guidance.  I wan't to be at peace with the decision...whatever decision that may be.  I wan't to do what is best for Stephen, even if what is best is also the most painful.

So please join me in prayer tomorrow.  His ECHO is at 12:30 and his appointment with his

This little guy always brings me joy!

Cardiologist is at 2:20.  Pray that God would clearly direct our paths.  Pray that Stephen's heart is strong and healthy.  And pray that God would continue to draw Stephen closer to Him and give him the joy, peace and strength he will need in the road to come.  This is also the first time will be able to attempt the ECHO without him needed to be sedated (praise God) so please pray that he is able to lie their rather still for about an hour so they can't get all of the images they need =)

I will try to update in the next few days (maybe even late tomorrow) but we have a big event at our church the next 3 nights that we will be going straight to from the hospital to set up for and run...not ideal timing but it is what it is =)

Thank you for all of your prayers and support...they are truly appreciated!

Much Love in Christ,
Kim