Last Minute Thoughts

This is it.  Tomorrow when I wake up (if I sleep) we will walk right over to the hospital to check our little guy in.  I keep trying to tell myself "It's only the cath lab!"  because Lord knows the open heart surgery will be SO much harder on him recovery wise.  However, with his past complications this doesn't feel like a walk in the park.  So tonight as I cuddled him to sleep, I kissed him extra and prayed over him, because really...that's all I can do now.  It's out of my hands.  Shoot...it was never in my hands!

At times like these I am constantly reminded of Abraham and his unwavering faith and trust in the  Lord as He asked him to sacrifice his only son Isaac.  I know in my heart I need to hold Stephen up to God with my outstretched arms...but I want so badly to just wrap my arms around him and NEVER let go.

So tonight, as I sit here with the thoughts of tomorrow in my head, I am trying to remind myself of the truths I know (and have been reading in a great book on suffering).  That God loves Stephen deeper than Joe and I ever could.  That He has promised to work ALL things out for the good of those who love Him.  That He can take our suffering and transform it into something beautiful.  That He has never left us and will NEVER leave us.  That God loved each of us SO much that He sacrificed His one and only son that whoever believes in Him shall not parish but have eternal life.  That when seen in the light of the risen life no cross, no suffering of any kind, can be ultimately tragic because God WILL bring perfect, absolute and eternal consolation out of every desolation...especially death.    That God WILL one day wipe away our pain and replace it with warmth, love, peace and joy.  That Jesus does't leave us by ourselves to just "figure it out" but that He is ALWAYS present with us.  And PRAISE God for that!

Which means tomorrow Stephen will not be alone in the operating room with the doctors and nurses, but that the God of this universe will be present with him.  And my prayer is that the Holy Spirit would fill that room with His presence.  That a multitude of angels would watch over and protect our precious son.  And that God would use ALL of this for some greater purpose.

I am truly honored to be Stephen's mommy.  My love for this little guy runs deep.  And tonight, as I want to cling to him and hold him tight, I am trying to remember to look to Jesus...because He is my rock and my refuge, an ever-present help in trouble.

Jesus, I trust in you.