My Baby is Turning Four

This coming Sunday, April 17th, Stephen turns 4!  I can only begin to explain how grateful I am for his four years of life.  This little boy daily melts my heart.  I know his life is nothing shy of a miracle and I thank God for each and every day I get with him.  And while I celebrate his birthday with great joy...with it also comes a rush of emotions.

Sometime back I had started a tradition of sharing each our our kiddos birth stories with them on their birthday.  I don't go into specifics on the delivery (they don't even know where babies come from yet) but I share with them and joy and anticipation we felt and the waiting room full of visitors eager to hold them.  And each year on Stephen's birthday my heart breaks a little as I carefully choose my words.  Stephen's story is just so much different than my other 3 kiddos.

Stephen was born into a room full of specialists, and while I was excited to finally meet my precious baby, I was also so worried and scared.  Since each and every baby is different, the doctors were unsure how he would do once he was out of the womb, so they prepared us for multiple scenarios...none of which were ideal to me.  We had special doctors, nurses, respiratory therapists and a transport team in the room with us...11 audience members!

I was warned that I wouldn't be able to see him right away because they would have to immediately begin placing wires and lines on his tiny little body but that I would be able to hold him for a quick kiss and prayer before he was taken to Rady's.  I didn't see my baby's face for 20 minutes...and even then it was from a brief snap shot Joe got on his phone.  My first time "seeing" Stephen was a picture =(  And finally, some time later, this little baby was placed in my arms long enough for Joe to say a quick prayer, and snap another photo, and for me to give him 1 kiss.  He was wheeled away to Rady's in the contraption next to me with his daddy in tow.  I spent the next several hours in a recovery room by myself.  It wasn't that I had no family willing to be there...it was that I needed to grieve not having my baby and husband.  I cried and prayed and waited eagerly to hear from Joe.

I will celebrate with GREAT JOY Stephen's birthday each and every year because his life is so precious and so worth celebrating.  But the memories of his actual birthday hurt.  It hurts to remember how it felt to sit alone in a recovery room without my husband and baby.   To remember the long hours of not knowing how he was doing or what was going on.  When Joe was finally able to call me I cried and asked him to send the picture he had taken because I couldn't even remember what Stephen's face looked like and that broke my heart.  It hurt to see him only hours old and covered in wires as the picture below shows.    

Stephen a few hours old

On Sunday I will tell a much different version to my kiddos... and hopefully with no tears.  I don't want him to know how scary that day was for me...I want him to know how his life forever changed mine.

Stephen's Birthday was scary...but his life has been the biggest blessing and I am looking forward to celebrating the day God gave us this precious little soul to care for and love!